Reflected Truth
by cwc72906
Summary: Bella realizes that her heart is with Jacob mere minutes before she is set to walk down the aisle to Edward. Will she have the courage to speak the truth or will she deny what she really feels? Can she go through with the wedding?


I stared at my reflection for what seemed to be minutes on end. My heart pounding and my head whirling. The house was silent.

Charlie remained asleep in his room. After all... it was only four in the morning. Any sane person would be asleep. I however, was wide awake and no matter how hard I tried, could not get back to sleep. My mind was too damn busy with thoughts I shouldn't be having. Thoughts that were unsettling to say the least.

The longer I looked at my reflection, the worse my thoughts became.

Tears soon stung my eyes and slid down my cheeks, one at a time.

What would cause me to feel like this you may ask? ... On the morning of my own wedding none the least... Well I'll tell you... Jacob.

I splashed some cold water on my face and took a deep breath but the lump in my throat would not budge. I felt like a liar... a fraud...

For the past month my mind had been on Jacob. I tried and tried to erase the thoughts... to stop the dreams of him. I was almost afraid to close my eyes because his face is always what I would see. His deep brown eyes would stare into my own.

These dreams occured each and every night. Each one more real and detailed than the last. They would all end the same though... Me being changed into a vampire and running through the woods of forks, searching for him... For Jacob. Only to be met with utter hatred from him in wolf form when we finally did cross paths. My heart... eventhough it no longer needed to beat because of my change, would break ... shatter each time.

This last dream, the one that caused me to awaken with tears in my eyes, was all too real for me.

I had come across Jacob in the woods with Sam in wolf form. He snarled at me. Barring his teeth and laying his ears back. I stopped in my tracks, afraid to make a move. I fell to my knees in front of him. Asking him to forgive me. Begging him even, but he shook his head with a huff and walked away from me with Sam.

I lurched to my feet and ran after him, against Edwards warning. I chased him all the way to his house before he whirled on me. I came to an abrupt hault and reached for him instinctively. Longing to feel his warmth one more time. He backed up and let out a vicous warning snarl before fleeting into the woods.

I fell on the ground. Wishing I could cry like before. But my tears never came.

I stayed there for hours in front of his house. Edward tried to convince me to go back home with him. Even Alice had tried, but nothing worked.

Before I knew it, Night time had fallen upon me and the stars were shining brightly above me.

Jacob suddenly appeared from the woods. He was in human form. Wearing nothing but his cut off shorts. My head snapped back up and I lurched to my feet in one quick movement. Jacobs steps were slow and deliberate. The look on his handsome face was feral as he approached me.

I reached for his hand and he recoiled at my touch. Shattering me all the more. I moved toward him as he went to walk away from me again.

"Jacob!" I yelled to him. He stopped at his front door and turned back to face me... "Dont you miss me... the way I miss you...?" I asked. Desperation clear in my tone. His answer tore me in half...

"No... No I don't. I hate you... With all of me... I hate you, Bella... Go away and this time... Don't come back..."

He turned and went into his house. Slamming the door behind him without so much as another word.

It was then that I awoke frantic with unshed tears brimming in my eyes.

A knock on the bathroom door brought me back to the present. I wiped my tears and nervously ran my hands through my hair. Trying to gather myself before seeing Charlie. I cautiously opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom to meet him.

His expression changed to worry when he saw my face. I quickly adverted my eyes to the floor. " I'm sorry dad... Didn't mean to wake you..."

He sighed and touched my cheek. " Don't worry about it ... have you slept...at all? "

I shook my head. " No ... Not really... Alice is gonna have a fit when she see's me this morning..." I replied, moving slowly around him and heading back for my room.

"Bella..." I heard Charlie say behind me. I tried to swallow hard because I knew the question lingering there before he even spoke it. I slowly turned back to him.

"You miss him... dont you?"

I sucked in a sharp breath and nodded. Not trusting my voice. Charlie approached me.

"Honey... Are you sure that you're really ready for this... To... get married so fast... "

I straightened myself up, looking him in the eyes. "I'll be fine dad. Just a lot on my mind these past few weeks... You know... for the wedding and the future... I'll be okay..." I said, trying like hell to convince him of this.

Charlie let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. "Something tells me you're trying just as hard to convince yourself of that as you are me... "

His words hit home for me and I felt the sting of new tears form. I cleared my throat and leaned up on my tip toes to lightly kiss him on the cheek. My way of dismissing this for now. I was losing my composure and I didn't want Charlie to know just how much I was hurting. "Night dad... I'll see you later today... Don't forget your tux and don't be late or Alice will have your head..."

He chuckled and hugged me. "Okay... I won't. Try and get a few hours of rest... you really should."

I nodded once more leaving his embrace and walking into my room. I could feel his eyes on me, as I slowly shut my bedroom door. I didn't dare to look back. I couldn't.

I crawled back into bed and wrapped the comforter around me. A chill coursing through me. I tucked myself in further and tried to get warm. My eyes landing on the picture of Jacob I had tacked up on the wall. Next to it was a photo of us together at the bonfire.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall back to sleep. Thinking of him and wishing he were here with me instead of wherever he was. No one knew where he was ... and if they did they sure as hell weren't sharing said information with me. Not that I could blame them.

I tossed and turned for several minutes, before I gave up and threw trhe comforter off me. Who was I kidding? I wasn't going to find sleep anytime soon. I got up and got busy with taking a shower and cleaning the house a bit for Charlie. I did that more often these days. It seemed to take my mind off him for a little while anyway. If only for a little while...

I was busy folding laundry and sweeping the floor when a small knock on the front door interupted me. My eyes flashed to the clock on the wall. It was nearly seven and I knew who was at the door before I even reached it.

I quickly opened the door to see a smiling Alice beaming at me. Her smile faded when she saw my face. "Bella... didn't I say to get some beauty sleep last night!" She scolded, pulling me into a hug. I returned it and apologized for my sleep deprived state.

"Thank goodness for makeup!" She laughed. "Come on... we have to get busy ya know. You're getting married in less then four hours and then there's your dress, and I still need to finish up the decorations for the reception!"

She was excited. You'd have to be blind not to see it. I gave her half a smile and took her offered hand. She happily pulled me to her porsche and waved to Charlie, who was watching us as we left.

"I can't believe we only have a few hours left before your my sister! " She exclaimed, pressing her foot on the excelerator... "You're gonna be radiant!"

I listened to her for a while as she went on and on about the many things left to do. I was only half paying attention as she carried on.

The drive to The Cullens seemed longer than usual this morning. I stared blankly at the trees that were passing us by in a blur. One right after the other.

"Bella... Earth to Bella?" Alice questioned, gently tugging on the arm of my jacket and getting my attention. I snapped my head over to her with an apologetic look on my face.

"Oh... um... sorry... I was..."

"... Distracted..." Alice finished for me. Guilt lashed at me.

"I guess..." I sighed. My eyes falling to my wrist adorned with the bracelet Jacob had made for me. I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep my composure. as I stared at the wooden wolf figurine. It was now the only tangible thing I had left of my best friend... my Jacob.

"Have you talked to him?" Alice asked in a soft tone.

"No... No one... has..." I replied, as we pulled into the familiar drive way.

"Maybe he'll come around... show up to wish you well?" Alice replied, sincere hope in her tone.

I knew she was just trying to make me feel better and I had to give her credit for trying anyway.

"I highly doubt that..."

She sighed and nodded slowly, before quickly retreating over to my side of the car and whipping the door open for me. I stepped out and looked up to see the entire Cullen Family to greet me on the porch. All except for Edward of course. Carlisle greeted me with open arms and a wide smile.

"Good morning Bella... Ready for today?"

I nodded and returned his embrace. Everyone had there turn to hug me and smile before I was rushed into the upstairs bathroom with a busy Alice.

I was stunned to see the hundreds of cosmetics laid out in order in front of me. The lighting set just right and the curling irons and blow dryers already in place and ready for use. She took my Jacket from me and sat me down in the awaiting chair. I was awe struck and felt a rapid blush hit my cheeks as she began to brush my hair with a smile.

"Okay ready?" She asked.

"... As I'll ever be..." I replied. watching her go to work.

She spun me around so I couldn't see my reflection till she was done. Leaving me in the dark about my own appearance for now.

We were silent for a while and it was nice to have some silence. I heard Edwards laughter from downstairs and my eyes flew open. My heart began to race and a smile crossed my face. Alice giggled and began twirling my hair about and setting it into a low bun.

Rosalie popped her head in and her beauty took my breath away. She was stunning to say the least. She offered me a grin and then began twirling my hair with Alice. It caught me off guard because Rosalie and I were anything but close. She didn't understand my choice. But she chose to respect it for Edwards sake.

More time passed and before I knew it, Alice was helping me into my dress and her fingers were quickly buttoning the many buttons along my back. She giggled and whirled me around.

"Okay... Done..." She said., as I faced the full length mirror. I lifted my head, my eyes now fixed upon my own reflection. I gasped aloud, staring back at this version of myself. I was... dare I say ... beautiful...

I didn't know what to say or dare to even blink. Alice placed her hands on my shoulders and kissed my cheek. "I have to go get dressed now... I'll be back..." She said and grabbed Rosalie by the hand.

"Alice..." I said to her beforee she slipped out the front door... "Thank you..." I breathed and ripped my eyes away from the mirror to meet the golden hue in hers. She beamed and blew me a kiss before closing the door.

I glanced back at my reflection, still shocked. She had done an amazing job. My breath caught in my throat as I looked myself over again. My knees felt shaky and I slowly leaned against the counter. I was going to be married to Edward... soon...

My eyes searched for Alice's watch and found it near the sink. The time was near... Very near.

I noticed my bracelet next to her watch and was trying to remember when she had removed it. Amongst all the hustle and bustle I hadn't noticed it. Without it I felt naked now, the absence of it weighing heavily on me. I gingerly picked it up and held it in my hands, staring long and hard at the wooden wolf figurine.

I marveled, as I always did, at the articulate craftmanship Jacob had put into this. The thought of his name sent a familiar rush of longing through me. I clutched my bracelet tightly in my hands and glanced up to be met with my now beautiful reflection.

Long dark lashes, coated in mascara, framed my face. My brown eyes looking beautiful and haunted all at the same time. I shook my head out of pure frustration with myself for feeling this way. What the hell was the matter with me?  
>I was about to be married to Edward and become Mrs. Cullen. This was my dream. This was all that I had ever wanted since meeting Edward... Was to be with him forver. To love him, to be part of his life and his wonderful family.<p>

I was startled when I heard someone clear there throat from behind me, causing me to drop the bracelet and whirl around. Rosalie raised a curious eyesbrow when she saw the bracelet land on the bathroom floor. She picked it up and took two slow steps to me before handing it back. Her eyes on mine as she did this.

"Here... I believe you dropped this..." She stated to me in a calm tone. I simply took it from her and sat it down on the counter. "Alice sent me in here to give you your shoes."

I nodded to her and stepped into them when she placed them on the floor at my feet.

"Thanks." I mumbled upon standing.

"Well everything's ready and everyone is in place... Except you that is..."

I raised my head abruptly. Caught off guard by her sudden statement. "Wh..." I began, but she raised her hand to silence me with a sympathetic look. She shook her head and glanced over to the counter where my bracelet was.

"I pass no judgement on you Bella. I know in the past I have been cold and unfair to you but Edward is my brother, and he does certainly love you very much. While I don't understand why you're making a choice to become one of us when you still have the priveledge to make one... I accept it for his sake alone."

I stared at her and felt my stomach drop a bit when her fierce golden eyes met mine again. "You may say that you're sure this is what you want. You may profess it all the time and while I don't doubt that you do love my brother as much as he loves you, Bella... I think part of your heart is with Jacob... wherever he is."

I shook my head in protest and felt the color rise to my cheeks. "Rosa..." I began, but she just simply smiled.

"It's okay Bella. You don't need to defend your love for him to me. As I said, I place no judgement on you..."

I went to speak up but found it suddenly hard to. Tears welled up in my eyes and Rosalies face became horrified, upon seeing my reaction. She gasped once and placed her cold hands on my warm cheeks.

"Oh... No.. No No... I didn't mean to upset you... Bella."

I turned away from her and quickly grabbed a handful of tissues. Trying to dab away my tears in order to keep Alice from having a fit that I had ruined her hours of artwork with my makeup.

It wasn't long before Alice had returned. She was all smiles until she saw my tears and then her smile quickly vanished, as she rushed to my side. She immediately took the tissues from me and dabbed away the tear tracks.

She scolded Rosalie. "Rose! What in the ... Wh..." She stammered, grabbing the makeup brush to begin fixing my makeup.

I came to Rosalies defense. Feeling guilty. "It's okay Alice... it's not her fault..."

Alice gave Rose a stern look and went on fixing my face.

I was lost in thought. Thoughts about Jacob. Rosalies words had left a bigger impact on me than she knew.

My heart beagn to race and I began to feel like I was being smothered all of a sudden. Like the walls of the bathroom were closing in on me. I moved away from Alice suddenly and turned away from them gasping for air. Alice froze where she was and I could feel her staring at the back of me.

"Bella... What is it?" She asked, concern clear in her tone.

I was shaking like a leaf. My heart still beating like a jack hammer within my chest.

"I...Um... Just... need a minute or two... just for myself... okay?" I replied, trying to sound convincing.

"Okay... I'll be back... just let me know when you're ready. There's still some time left before the ceremony starts. So... take your time..."

I didn't reply and closed my eyes while I waited for them to leave. When I heard the door close and latch my eyes flew back open. The room began to spin and I slowly sank down to the floor. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Rosalie had seen right through me. Part of my heart was with Jacob.

I stayed there on the cold floor for a few moments, before gathering myself and standing up. My legs were shaky and I gripped the counter for support, closing my eyes once more, as a whirlwind of memories came crashing into me.

Jacobs warm laughter as he fixed the bikes in his garage with me. The way his hands worked on them for hours. Our trip to the movies... His warm hugs and the way he would light up whenever I would come around. The way his arms would envelope me without any effort. How his hand would absent mindedly find mine. How beautiful he was... even in wolf form. His words now echoed through my mind from the last time I had laid eyes on him...

"I'm exactly right for you Bella... it would be as easy as breathing with me..."

I shook my head in utter disbelief that this was happening to me... and right now of all times...

Tears streamed down my face, and I didn't even try to hold back the sob that shook me, as I came to the crushing realization that I was about to marry Edward and yet my heart was with Jacob. I felt like I could be sick as I let my crying continue.

Was I really going to do this? Was I really so selfish to go along with this wedding and push aside what my heart was still screaming for... what my dreams had been trying to tell me for weeks?

A harsh knock on the door snapped me out of my crying and I grabbed handfuls of tissues in an attempt to wipe away my now ruined makeup.

I hesitantly opened the door to see the one person who I needed the most right now... My mother.

Renee took one look at me and hurried inside, closing the door firmly behind her. " Bella... What... Oh my goodness..." She fussed and I threw myself into her arms. For here in the arms of my mother, I felt safe enough to really cry and thats exactly what I did.

After the many minutes passed. Renee Pulled back. She took my face in her hands and wiped my tears away with a slow shake of her head. "You're not ready for this... are you?" She whispered to me. Love Etched in her tone.

I shook my head and let the realization sink into me. I wasn't ready to marry Edward.

Renee handed me fresh tissues and sighed. "I feared this would happen." She confessed to me.

I lifted my head to see her knowing eyes on me. "It's okay if you're not ready... You have every right to feel how you feel. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or guilt you into this. The Cullens seem very nice Bella... and while I do think Edward is a nice young man... I also know my daughter..." She trailed off.

I stared at her long and hard as her eyes met mine again. "I know you're one to always go with your heart, and right now I think it terrifies you to realize that it may not be with Edward the way you thought it was all along..."

I had told Renee in long emails all about Jacob. While I knew that she knew of Billy and his deceased mother Sarah very well from when she was still married to Charlie, I still told her of the man he had become and how he had put the shattered pieces of me back together when Edward had left before.

Of course, I left out all the supernatural for her safety sake alone. There were several hour long conversations with her on the phone where I would tell her just how much Jacob Black had come to mean to me. She would always say that if he was anything like his parents, she wasn't in the least bit suprised at how well he turned out.

I let out another sob as my mother touched my hand. "Bella..." She said softly to me. Placing her hands on either sides of my face as she spoke. "This is your life sweetheart... is this where you want to be? Where your heart is telling you to be? If it is... I'll call Alice in here right now to help you and we'll go ahead as planned. I promise... no lectures from me... But if it isn't... Then you go with whatever that big, beautiful, beating heart of yours is telling you to do. You'll have my support and my help with whatever you choose..."

I felt frozen where I was. Like time was standing still. I tried to speak, but could not find the words. My mother saw my struggle and interjected.

"You love him... "

I moved away from her and shook my head. She followed me quickly. Placing her hand on my arm. "Bella... it's okay to tell me the truth... I'll love you no matter what you choose. I just want you to be happy and right now... this all feels wrong for you. I can't quite put my finger on it but it all feels wrong. Like... you're choosing the wrong path for yourself."

I turned and faced her ... "I ... I do love him...How..." I shook from head to toe as I spoke... "How can I do this to Edward... Betray him like this?"

My mother shook her head in strong protest. "No... No Bella... the only person you'll be betraying here is yourself if you marry Edward even though... deep down... you know your heart is with Jacob... You deserve more than that... Edward deserves more than that... And Jacob... Well he deserves more than that, too."

I nodded to her and myself. Knowing she was right. I took a long hard look in the mirror at myself and knew what I had to do...

"Will you please... Go get Edward for me... please..." I asked, Feeling my insides sink.

"Sure honey... I'll be right back." She offered, giving me a loving look and slipping out the door.

A minute passed and then two... then 5...

I paced back and forth. Practically wearing a hole in the floor.

The door knob turned and I stopped where I was. He was there suddenly. The sight of him taking my breath away. He was perfection. I saw his golden eyes meet mine and he was at my side before I could blink.

"Bella..." He said touching my face... I sighed and glanced up at him. Almost wishing he could read my mind right now.

He stared into my eyes and his face fell a bit. After letting out a heavy sigh, he carefully took my hands in his.

I looked at him and felt frozen again. The words I needed to say... the truth... was harder to say then I had ever thought they would be. Could I really do this?


End file.
